Jun 27, 2009

10 things I learnt from Transfomers 2 (Spoiler Warning)

If I am a film critic, I will only need three words to describe every Michael Bay movie:

It was awesome

Before you label me a Bay fanboy, let me be clear that this three words does not describe the quality of his films. It is like a scientific term, like how humans are called Homo Sapiens and salt is called Sodium Chloride. A Bay film? It was awesome.

It was awesome because they are loud, they have MANY explosions (in slow motion, no less), they have girls in sex-ed out outfits, they feature top of the line US military hardware and they are all brainless fun.

They are all awesome because Michael Bay decreed it to be awesome.

Anyway, If you look close enough, you may observe some snippets of wisdom underneath all those mindless awesomeness in Transformers 2 :

  1. Two years is enough for anyone to forget everything. For example, a giant robot free-for-all in a populated city.

  2. In China, you can cover up any secrets with a "gas leak". Including A huge rampaging robot tearing down the streets in public.

  3. If a hot, scantily clad girl is inexplicably attracted to a nerd and smells like diesel, she's a decepticon.

  4. Old alien robots must ALWAYS speak cryptically even when they can give clear directions. Clues like "tip of the dagger" and "the three kings" are common replacements for "Petra, Jordan".

  5. The US military can deploy tanks, marines, jet fighters and helicopters in a middle east country at a moment's notice, while the local military can only send two helicopters (and be shot down as soon as they arrive)

  6. True warriors must always sacrifice themselves to hide the key to a world-destroying weapon, instead of destroying the weapon itself.

  7. When you plan to kill a kid, always kidnap his parents and bring him to the site where you plan to kill him, for no apparent reason.

  8. If you claim to be an agent for a non-descript government agency, even Navy admirals will listen to you.

  9. Small decepticons make great pets.

  10. Giant alien robots have balls. literally.

So there. Don't forget to catch this awesome 2.5 hour US army recruitment video in the cinemas now!


Ashed_Dreams said...

you missed out one thing: A true warrior will never kick his opponent in the balls even if all the opponent ever do is suck.

deksuteru said...

Heh...good one.

Ashed_Dreams said...

Well, i can actually notice a lot of editing errors. This episode is not "that" good imo. nice robots, lousy story flow to near the end part... Looked too rushed and... WTF optimus prime only had the apex armor for like 5 minutes? And he discarded it just like that? Besides that, Devastator parts MUST BE highly trained ninjas. They can exist as parts on devastator and at the same time fight autobots few miles away. The pyramid "REPAIRED" itself during the part f-22 raptors close in to it. I have a theory that if the decepticons are not ninjas they must be born as triplets as there were twins among the autobots... The first Blackout died in the 1st episode, the 2nd one died when his head was riped apart by optimus... the 3rd one died in Egypt... Wow... I think i just scared myself...

deksuteru said...

I'm puzzled about the Devastator part too. As for Blackout (according to wikipedia), the second one was a different robot called Grindor who has the same shell as Blackout. I don't remember about seeing a third one in Egypt, though.