How can I help you today?

Farhee's post on teleconferencing reminded me of my call center days at an international card company. I was a authorization analyst, which means most of the time I was in charge of authorizing card charges for the merchants internationally.

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Me: Good Evening Mr...(double checks his name)..Deadman.

Aussies have the darnest names.

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Customer: Finally, a human being!

A customer who was held on automated voice response for a tad too long

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Customer: Is this Bombay?
Me: No ma'am this is Malaysia.
Customer: Oh My god!

Sometimes I sound like an Indian.

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Call comes in, I greet in Cantonese. No answer. Greets again. No answer. Check the phone display: the call was from Australia.

And yes, I was dozing off when that call came in.

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Colleague: Ma'am, can you verify the person in front of you is Sir Elton John.

Would it be embarassing if he was asked for his ID?


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Customer: Why was my charge declined?
Colleague: This are our policy rules, sir (followed by a short explanation of the rules).
Customer: No, no, this business model won't work.

He then launches into a half hour lecture on why he thinks so.

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Customer: I'm going to buy a house with my card.
Colleague: I'm sorry sir you can't do that (again, follows up with an explanation.)
Customer: Whats your name?
Colleague offers his name.
Customer: OK, you'll be expecting my legal letter.
Colleague: Thank you sir.

In this line of work, legal threats was a daily affair. One should accept with gratitude.

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The priceless one

Platinum Card customer: Why did you decline my charge?
Colleague: Ask yourself (hangs up).

The disgruntled colleague proceeded to decline the charge using his team leader's ID, and quit the same day.